Mary-Sue Alphabet
by Mary Allen
Summary: A rhymed alphabetic guide to the common OCs plaguing the Naruto fandom, better known as the infamous Mary-Sues. A is for Akane, with Kakashi she s dating...


**Disclaimer:**

 **EVERYTHING IS MINE!**

 **You, them, he and she**

 **But Naruto belongs to**

 **Kishimoto Masashi**

 **I´ve got permission**

 **From dear Irony-chan**

 **She wrote this for Harry Potter**

 **Go read if you´re a fan**

 **This poem´s rather offensive**

 **But it´s not aimed at you**

 **I rarely read Sue stories**

 **I've got better stuff to do**

 **If you do feel offended**

 **Please don´t take it to heart**

 **We´ve all been there at some point**

 **Writing OCs indeed is hard**

 **There already is one for Naruto**

 **So go check it out**

 **It´s written by Madame Mayhem**

 **See what it´s about**

 **For better reading experience**

 **Read in high-pitchted girl´s voice**

 **Or Morgan Freeman´s**

 **Or Batman´s. Your choice**

 **Without further ado**

 **I proudly present:**

 **The longest MSA out there**

 **Read to your heart´s content**

* * *

 **A is for Akane**

With Kakashi she´s dating

The author clearly enjoys writing this

But everyone else is hating

The fangirls are jealous

The fanboys don´t care

It has barely any reviews

The spelling is a nightmare

Both equally mysterious

But he wins when they fight

Meaning he is a bit stronger

So that she´s not a Sue, right?

Her skin and hair are so pale

She might as well be an elf

It gets even worse when you realize...

He´s an adult and she´s twelve

Just one question remains:

The hell is this crap?

Rather than read another chapter

I´d shit in my hands and clap

 **B is for Bianka** ,

Has IQ way OVER 9000!

Beats Shikamaru at shogi

He becomes her husband

Too bad that the author

Isn´t nearly as witty

So if Bianka is a genius

Other´s IQ must be shitty

They come to her often

To solve every mystery

No matter how infantile

Common sense is history

She outwits, like, everyone

But she´d never brag

She doesn´t like attention

That is such a drag

 **C is for Chiroko**

She isn´t a Sue

Just cause the author said so

Doesn´t mean it´s true

She does have flaws

A phobia of snakes

She loses some battles

And mentally breaks

But if she wins

In awe everyone stares

And if she gets hurt

Everyone suddenly cares

 _´Wow, she´s so strong!´_

 _´How can she still stand?´_

 _´I wish I could be like her...´_

 _´How did she fend off the sand?_

That´s what everyone thinks

 _´She really is the best!´_

This isn´t balanced, author!

Try the Mary Sue test!

 **D is for Darka** ,

She´s a Villain-Sue

Joined the Akatsuki

When she was, like, two

She´s silent and mysterious

And Pein´s right hand

(Just where had Konan gone to?)

Known throughout the land

She´s in a team with Itachi

The two make quite the pair

They´re both spies for Konoha

Know what´s real despair

Everyone admires her power

Both bad and good guys

They don´t know her internal struggle

In the final battle she dies

Wipes out all of the Akatsuki

And with her dying breath

She also defeats Madara

Like a boss even in death

Is worshiped and mourned

With her loyalties revealed

Except she faked her death

And lives somewhere concealed

 **E is for Erenoa,**

Her hair falls to her knees

Slightly curly and turqoise-lilac

Swaying gently in the breeze

Eyes the colour of amethysts

With just a tinge of gold

They stare deep into your soul

So friendly yet so cold

Lips are pink like roses

Legs are long and lean

Breasts are just the right size

Skin is pale and clean

Hands are small and tender

Her smile melts the coldest hearts

Usually dresses in sky blue

Curvy in the correct parts

Hold on there author

We get it, she´s hot

But this is all description

And little to no plot

 **F is for Fumiko**

And she is quite strong

More like ridiculously overpowered

But don´t take the author wrong

It´s a mixture of training

And her natural talent

She trained under no-one less

Than Jiraiya the Gallant

Now she´s the Mizu-Rai-Tsuchi-Kaze-Hokage

Sage Mode under her thumb

At least two different Kekkei Toutas

If you fight her you´re dumb

She saves the day again

And everyone goes hoorah

Compared to her Madara is

Like Part 1 Sakura

 **G is for Geiko**

Of the Kurogetsu clan

The last member alive

Helping where she can

She has special Kekkei Genkai

That can revive the dead

But this power is quite taxing

Or so it´s been said

No, it won´t take her life

That would be kinda ´lame´

She just faints from exhaustion

And does it once again

Who cares about civils dying

They´re not important for the plot

But OMG! MY BAE DIED,

I MUST GIVE IT ALL I´VE GOT!

Suddenly characters get killed

Much more than in the canon,

Just for Geiko to display her powers

Oh author. Come the fuck on!

 **h is for harumi**

shs an OC of mine

i wantd to writ a story wit her

snce I ws lke 9

i just sw narto

its so friggn kool

i want to wrte my own vrsion

when im board at scool

dis is my frst fic

so pls dnt give me flames

nd i wil call fings

by deir japans names

engllish isnt my frst lang

my grmmars kinda bad

pls be gentl wit ur revws

Nope, I ain´t reading that

 **I is for Izue,**

A Sue to the core

And suddenly Team 7

Counts five instead of four

A new girl in Konoha

Dunno where she´s from

Was it Kumo? Or Kiri?

That´s apparently the norm

About the reason behind it

I am not too sure…

But it won´t be plausible

That much I can assure

All missions are cakewalk

With Izue on the team

Is it because failing missions

Would be too mainstream?

She fights and she trains

To protect her peers

Working her ass off

Failure she fears

The author can stick,

This fic up her arse

From me it surely wouldn´t

Receive any R&Rs

 **J is for Juuko**

She´s perfectly average

Not the best, not dead last

With barely any cleavage

Doesn´t stand out in any way

Didn´t fail all her classes

Didn´t pass Academy at five

Just flowing with the masses

The author is well aware

That standing out is a Sue trait

But little does she realize

That the opposite isn´t so great

Nothing ever happens

To put Juuko in the spotlight

She could win the prize for

The Most Boring OC alright

 **K is for Katana**

But that´s not her real name

She was trained as ROOT member

A puppet in Danzo´s game

Added on Team 7

To act as a spy

She doesn´t have emotions

And her social skills... Oh my

Later she saves everyone

And gets her priorities straight

Comrades above the mission

That goes without debate

Danzo isn´t pleased

That´s needles to say

But she stands up for herself

And he lets her go her way

She doesn´t really care

That her rank is all in tatters

Because in the end

It´s friendship that matters

This story might be good

But we have to wait till June

Cause this story is updated

Once in a blue moon

 **L is for L**

Strongest Soul Reaper out there

Fellow Pokemon by her side

And a Dragon Slayer, I swear

Set out to find the One Piece

And also the Dragon Ball

The Titans ate her family

All is One, One is All

She trained under Batman

So she could defeat the Sith Lord

Belongs in the Gryffindor house

Wields the Elucidator sword

Is this a mega crossover?

It is just so random

This fanfic is everything

Except the correct fandom

 **M is for Mary**

The author´s self-insert

Clearly just a wish-fulfillment

Caution! OOC alert!

One day she appeared

In the Narutoverse

Of course she knows what happens

But wait, it gets worse

She´s some long lost princess

Of some never-heard-of clan

Put into our world as a baby

As a part of some plan

Everything revolves around her

As with everyone´s help

They try to uncover some conspiracy

While she just angsts and yelps

She awakens some powers

And saves the day a lot

But it´s all for the attention

At the expense of the plot

The author seems to forget

That with her physique

If she appeared in the Naruto world

She´d be dead within a week

 **N is for Narumi**

The Fourth Hokage´s kid

Sealed Yin Kurama in her

It´s power in half is split

With Yang Kurama in Naruto,

Beware of their pranks

They´re trying to make other laugh,

But nobody says thanks

Instead they are hunted

Crucified, stoned, yelled at

Ostracized and poisoned

Burned down is their flat

They only have each other

Its´s just her and him

What are they gonna doooooo?

Their future is dim

After all their hardships

They find the friends they sought

But we won´t be there to enjoy the ending

Cause the story´s left to rot

 **O is for Orime**

The heiress to a clan

The rookie of the year

Craved by all the men

Yet impossibly modest

Just blushes when praised

 _"I couldn´t have done it without you"_

She says honestly fazed

Has wavy hair and flawless skin

Konoha´s greatest hero

Is best friends with everyone

Number of screw-ups: 0

It´s not _her_ fault she´s perfect

She didn´t ask for this

But you won´t hear her deny

That this life is a bliss

 **P is for Puma**

Throwing witty snarks around

Like there´s no tomorrow

For that she´s renowned

Despite her snide attitude

She´s fawned over and admired

For the gals she´s inspiring

By the guys she´s desired

And should the bad guy be winning

She´ll drive him insane

By those smart-ass comments of hers

Every villain´s bane

And should she be captured

She´ll taunt her way out

By turning her tormentors against each other

And escaping their hideout

The author thinks she´s clever

Well, surely more than _you_

But she stopped writing this

Cause of one honest review

 **Q is for Qimiko Seigi Tenshi Junsei Chikara Senju-Uchiha**

It said crackfic on the lid

The plot was funny for a while

But that´s about it

Claimed to be a Parody Sue

Master of every nature

Worshiped by everyone

Beautiful, smart and mature

Wait! It was meant to be like this

She´s _supposed_ to be perfect

It´s a joke, don´t you get it?

No, that is not correct

The crack label is an excuse

To write a Full-Fledged Sue

While deflecting the flames by ´humor´

Too good to be true

 **R is for Ryoko**

Dragon is her code name

She´s an ANBU member

Mastered wind and flame

She is all dragon themed

Ryoko means dragon too

She can also summon them

Eyes are red, hair´s blue

Her uniform is different

She wears skirts instead of pants

Carries her trusty Dragon blade

And uses the Dragon stance

She became an ANBU

At the age of ten

If Itachi could make it

Why couldn´t she then?

You don´t need to read

To know where this will go

Don´t abandon your comrades

That´s her status quo

 **S is for Sasara**.

Sasuke´s twin sister

(Just how many twins does he have?)

No-one can resist her

She survived the massacre

Wow, much surprise

Her life is one big angst-fest

Has no interest in guys

Protective of her brother

Since she´s two minutes older

Want to carry out revenge together

He cries on her shoulder

Just where is this going?

No-one gives a shit

Just who gets the Curse Mark?

Exactly. You guessed it

 **T is for Taiyōtsukihoshi**

But call her just Tayuu

Parents named her weirdly

Her full name is taboo!

Comes from civilian family

I guess she´s pretty average

But under cheery impression

Hides emotional baggage

Normal on the outside

But monster deep inside

A product of banned experiments

Horrid power within her resides

Yet she swore she will never

Use that evil power

Just how long will that promise last?

Till the darkest hour

When her might is unleashed

Everyone is shocked

But then cover her with praise

Cause _that power rocked_

 **U is for Ume**

A tomboy to the heart

Short cropped hair and baggy clothes

Not good grades but street-smart

Always underestimated

Just because she´s a lass

But she will quickly prove to you

That she hides an inner badass

The reviews come from the feminists

Who openly are cheering

For this strong independent woman

Whom men are justly fearing

Sasuke is interested

Because she´s not his fan

But should he ask her out-

"No" She will deadpan

The author claims that

This one´s best of her fics

And hopes it will show

All the misogynous pigs

 **V is for Vivian**

So gentle and kind

" _I made onigiri for you,_

 _I hope you don´t mind"_

She´s so shy and caring

Hinata´s best friend.

The two would protect each other

Up to the bitter end

Has long mint green hair

With eyes sparkling like a gem

Also can speak with animals

Cares deeply about them

That´s why she´s a veggie

And she _will_ point it out

All conversion attempts will be met

With refusal and cute pout

Clueless about romance

The author is the same

I guess that the lack of men

In her own life is to blame

 **W is for Wen**

And with her ample chest

She´s ensnaring the boys

Her breasts are the best!

Before her eye candies

The males can´t avert their gaze

Drool when she´s talking to them

With their minds in haze

Cups them together and says

" _It´s not my fault they´re THIS big..._

 _HEY, STOP STARING YOUR PERV,_

 _YOU ARE SUCH A PIG!"_

Doesn´t have any female friends

They say that she´s a harlot

(I suppose they´re right)

With her lingerie of scarlet

And should someone be eying

Her miniskirt´s hem

I suppose that´s why

The story´s rated M

 **X is for Xiu-Mei**

But- The name´s not Japanese-

Tsk. Don´t like, don´t read

I´ll use it if I please

Hai, nani, baka and gomen

Replaced the English speech

But the grammar overall

Is making the readers screech

The plot is no better

So boring, so plain

Seems like the author´s work

Had been all in vain

The plotpoints exist only

For Xiu to show off

But hey, it has reviews

*Cough* The author wrote them *cough*

 **Y is for You**

Oh yes, You, who´re reading

Written in second person

We all know where this is leading

The clichest cliche ever

You´re shy, he is caring

It isn´t about the plot

But all about the pairing

Paired with a canon character

Plus points if he´s hot

You or him are hurt

More often than not

 _Your eyes met his_

 _A blush crept upon your face_

 _His warm smile melted your heart_

 _You spent a night at his place_

The romance is too much

Love is in the air

I just feel like retching

Gallows to the Canon x Reader pair

 **Z is for Zatanna**

She keeps kicking ass

With her magical powers

The Moon magic no less

Telepathy and prescience

Are her greatest skills

But when unleashed she destroys

Rivers, valleys and hills

Is it some sort of Kekkei Genkai?

Or is it just plain wrong?

Nah, she´s a normal ninja

She is just this strong!

All evil is obliterated

By her magical wand

But should you criticize it

I warn you – please don´t

The 9 year old author

Will go on the offensive

Ain´t nobody got time for

A rant _this_ extensive

* * *

 **I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, my Mary Sue Alphabet will get at least 5% of reviews Irony-chan got.**

 **From every fan out there, let reviews ring!**

 **Let reviews ring from those who were looking for a good laugh!**

 **Let reviews ring from those who are just bored!**

 **Let reviews ring from those who saw their Sues in this!**

 **Let reviews ring from those who didn´t!**

 **Let reviews ring from those I unintentionally ripped off!**

 **Let reviews ring from those who are being supportive by reviewing everything!**

 **Let reviews ring from those who were thinking of making an OC but then saw her here!**

 **Let reviews ring from those who think that this is a really cheap way of asking for reviews!**

 **Let reviews ring from those who simply think this is amazing!**

 **From every fan out there, let reviews ring!**

 **With hard work and love,**

 **Your Mary (Sue) Allen**


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